My Big Fat Opinion

Today Became a Better Day

    I have come to realize a few things over the past few months that really makes things come full circle for me. When I was a child, I always enjoyed school, it was a haven for me even though I was the outcast and I got picked on a lot;  mainly because of my home life that unfortunately ran over into my school life (ex. Having to wear Sunday dresses to school everyday). We moved a lot because my Dad was always getting new jobs with better pay, and it was common place that we moved about every two years like clockwork. When I got to high school, getting good grades was still important (have to please the master), but education had become less of a requirement for me. I wanted to go to college, but truth be told, it scared me and I was not sure how in the world I could afford college because what I really wanted was to get away and not live at home anymore. Unfortunately this was not feasible.

    Through hard work, and a desire to learn and better my life, I made it to college. I immediately fell in love with learning all over again, and I enjoyed going to school. The old passions came back, and even though school was stressful with work and having a family, I still plugged away. Learning became my life, and I became a lifelong student and learner in those intervening years. It took me eight years to graduate from college, but I have realized how much I value an education and how valuable it is for every child, and even adults. I realize that I will always want to learn and grow because that is part of what makes life interesting, and I do not believe there is such thing as being too smart! In the course of my teaching experiences I have realized that somehow my circle has become complete. Teaching, learning, and education have become my identity. And miracle of all miracles, I am good at it, which still astounds me. I have had many jobs, some to escape home, and some to make a living, and to be honest, there was not any of them that I was bad at. All of them became places for me to grow, and in all but two, I advanced to management very quickly, and when I was driving a school bus I became the go-to driver for all the “troubled” runs.

    Even with all that, none of them defined who I was. None of them completed my circle, and the only circle in my life that was in fact complete was the one with my husband. The first time I ever stood in front of a classroom and taught it, I felt a ‘snap’ and felt happy, because I realized after all this time, I found what I was supposed to be. I realized what could make me happy, and getting to know my kids, and getting to participate in the school environment, I know now that I do not want to do anything else. Of course there are bad days, and there are good days, but as one student asked me the other day, “why do you like being a teacher?” and I replied because I love learning and helping students. He then said, “Even on days like today?” to which I replied that even though today was not a great day, if I did not love it I would not be here. He thought about that for a moment, said “hmmm. So, are there a lot of bad days?” and I smiled and thought for only half a second before I realized that the good days far outnumber the bad so far, and I told him so.

    The funny thing is, he is a new student and has only had me a couple of times. But, I have noticed already that he is very perceptive. I honestly do not know what prompted him to start the conversation, other than the class had just gotten into trouble. Suddenly I felt better about the day, and I realized that sometimes it only takes one student to make the whole day have a whole new outlook. But, that is just my big fat opinion.    

"You give too much work!"

A few of my students complain about “all the work” they have to do, and how they do more work in my class than any other, and then I have the students who say my class is easy, as long as they do their work and study so they make good grades on the quizzes and tests. Well, that’s kind of the idea. I want them to be successful, and my goal is not to make the class hard, or make it impossible to make a good grade. However, I am not just going to hand the kids’ easy grades either; they have to learn how to work. If an extra bonus to my teaching is that I can somehow instill a small piece of a good work ethic, then they can go on to be even more successful in the future. I want to prepare them for college and what it is like because I want them all to go to college; if not right away, then eventually, because it is never too late.

The one constant issue I am running into with a percentage of my students, and in one class in particular it is a much larger percentage, is deadline issues. Many of the students just cannot seem to get their work in on time no matter what I do, how much I remind them, or how many bad grades they receive. My teacher blog has daily postings from me, in which I remind the students of upcoming work assignments, homework, and due dates. Yet they still show up without their work, act surprised when I tell them at the beginning of class to turn it in, and continue to do so even when they receive a penalty point losses for being late. How in the world do I combat the lateness?

Just being one day late will cost them a letter grade, and they lost another letter grade everyday! Unfortunately, this does not seem to have much of an impact, and it is quite aggravating. I probably should not let it aggravate me, but it does when I have to hear the same old tired excuses of why they do not have their work, or I get bombarded at the door with students who want to tell me why they do not have it. All I can do is shake my head and just tell them that they are responsible for their work, not me, and to bring it in late. I truly do not understand the lack of caring, or the lack of responsibility. When you tell the students they are late, there is no guilt. If anything, they feign an apology as if I am the one it is really hurting, except the ones they are hurting are themselves. They are the ones that need to pass this class and graduate. I try so hard to inspire my students to want more, but then realize that they will not even do the simple stuff. They certainly have the right to fail, but it is a sad thing in my opinion when they do. However, I try to stay positive; maybe some kids will be different.

Maybe one day I will be teaching at a school where higher education is more feasible, or looked at by the students as something they want. Maybe at some point I will be teaching an AP or Honors class where the students might have more responsibility. Maybe one day things will be different.

Emotional Roller Coaster

This past week at Suburban High was a roller coaster of emotions. I ran the gamut from happy and elated, to frustration and anger, back to happy again. All, of course, mixed in with exhaustion. I desperately need a full nights sleep! The worst part of my week came with the summative assessment quiz I gave to my students. There is a strict no-cheating policy and I warned my kids before the quiz not to cheat, yet I caught a student red-handed! I was so aggravated, and weirdly, my feelings were hurt more than anything, and I am not sure I understand that emotion exactly. I took the paper up, called home, and did a referral and the final grade for the quiz will be a zero. The problem is I am not sure that any or all of that really made a difference. I was so burnt out by the episode and the behavior in my classes that I just came home and went to bed at 5 o’clock. Sad, right? Is this a normal emotion for a teacher? However, it’s just as I have been known to say, the worst day of teaching still beats the best day of working retail!

Teaching

You know, when I picked education as a career, I do not believe I fully understood that it actually is a hard job. The politics of education alone is daunting, and as they say: "s*** rolls down hill". Not only does it roll down hill, but it piles up at the bottom of the hill! As teachers we often wonder who sits around and makes the decisions, because it is obvious that no one communicates with the others. It's like having two hands that cannot function together. Though I have plenty of examples, and probably many I should not actually mention on a public blog (!), I cannot even think of one at the moment because my brain is so tired, but I love the high school that I am at, hands down. However, I do realize the exhausting atmosphere I am in, and the challenges we face at "Suburban" high school. The suburb we are in is an eclectic mix of wealthy, poor, spoiled rotten, and attitudinal children. It is a largely ethnic school, but that just makes it all the more interesting in my opinion!

Unfortunately our school does not always have the most successful students when it comes to passing their classes. They face a variety of challenges, and while we as teachers try to help them, it is sometimes like banging my head against a wall. In fact, my head sometimes feels that way when I leave at the end of the day! I am beginning to get that old joke about teachers not knowing who Letterman is because they are never up that late, because I am lucky to make it past 8:30 anymore! I give so much energy to my students, and I work my hardest to help them, that by the end of the day I am empty. When you add in dealing with parents, administrators, and the people who just do not understand what it's like to care about your "kids" this much, it gets even harder.

I hate hearing from people, "Oh, you are still a new teacher, you'll give that up eventually", or my favorite "you'll stop caring so much when you get more jaded." Well, I certainly hope not! I do not want to get more jaded. I do not want to give up on my kids. I do not want to give up all the things that I do for them. If I do that, then I may as well get out of the field because that is absolutely NOT why I became a TEACHER! I became a teacher to do what I could for students, to help them learn and grow, and I have always said that if I can make a difference with just one student then I have done my job. I give to my students what I always wanted from a teacher, because I figure if I wanted it, then my kids might too.

I guess I could be being naive, but you know what? I know teachers that have not given up and that still help their "kids" day in and day out just like I help mine. So, I know that not all of us give up. Of course, that's just My Big Fat Opinion.